SEXIG
by ZiggyVanWagner
Summary: Demyx has found a new nickname for our beloved Sniper. XigDem Crack


**Pairing:** Xigbar/Demyx

**Warnings:** Crack, M/M, language, OOC, slight fluff

**Disclaimer:** DOES NOT OWN

**Rating:** T

**Genre:** Humor

_A/N:_ Just a quick oneshot. Dedicated to Charisma-Spin, for coming up with our battlecry. XD

* * *

**_/Sexig-baaah!/_**

* * *

"Maa! SEXIG-BAAAAAH!"

Xigbar's head shot up from its' place on the desk immediately, his visible eye wide as he scanned the large library. The fuck was that? Suddenly, there was a heavy weight on his back, thin black clad arms wrapped securely around his neck. Blonde locks fell into his vision as smooth lips preesed tenderly to his scar.

"Whatcha doin', Sexig-Baaah?"

Twitch.

What had he just called the sniper? Xigbar snapped his head back, sure that he had hit the blonde square in the nose; the weight left his back, enabling him to turn about to face the clingy nocturne. The boy was rubbing gingerly at his nose, eyes filled with tears.

"What the Hell did you call me, boy?"

The shocked and hurt look disappeared, and in its' place a grin spread across the boy's face. His head cocked as he twirled the fabrics of the carpet between his fingers, his glinting with something Xigbar suddenly didn't want to find out. "You don't like my new petname?" Fake hurt crossed the boy's features as he stood, his hands reaching out for the older.

Heaving a sigh, Xigbar stood, his own large hands bringing the blonde boy closer, his thin crack lips pressing to Demyx's forehead. How could he stay mad at the boy when he made such faces? _'Man, what kind of badass am I'_, the sniper questioned as he held Demyx closer, his chin resting against the blonde's crown.

"What ever does it mean, Demyx?" Demyx grinned to himself as he pulled away, a finger pressed over his lips.

"A secret. If you can figure out by tonight, you get a surprise!" And with these parting words, Demyx lept through a portal, his chuckling not going unnoticed by the twitching sniper. What had he just gotten himself into?

* * *

"What does Sexig-Baaah mean," Xigbar asked rudely to his Superior, his arms crossed over his chest as he glared at anything and everything. Demyx be damned! Xemnas blinked at the question, a brow raised. "How would I know that, Xigbar? I'm too busy with work to deal with Demyx's antics, now leave." Damn.

* * *

"What does Sexig-Baaah mean?"

Zexion blinked as he looked up from his book, a smirk on his lips. "I take it Demyx has found my Language book." Xigbar tapped his foot impatiently, his eye narrowed. Zexion shook his head and chuckled, stating softly, "It's just Sexig. I'm guessing he added Baah at the end to use a play on words with your name. And I have promised him I won't tell." Double damn.

* * *

"What the fuck does Sexig mean?" Sai'x turned, his eyes narrowed to Xigbar, who, after a moment of complete terror, disappeared through the portal he had used to trespass upon the Diviner's room.

* * *

Sigh. "What does Sexig mean?" Axel gave a cheeky grin as he saddled up to the tired sniper, arm wrapping around the man's waist playfully.

"Well, it means you're s-" A sharp jab to the back made Axel let out a howl of pain, his stomach arching out as a way to escape the Keyblade to his spine. "Ow ow ow! Okay I got it! No telling. Damn." Damn indeed.

* * *

"I hate you and you hate me, I get that. What does Sexig mean," Xigar grunted out as he watched Larxen paint her nails, her emerald eyes fixed on the man. A smirk was slowly rising on her pink glossed lips, a knowing look crossing her features, and Xigbar knew he wasn't going to get an answer.

* * *

"What does Sexig mean?" Marluxia looked up from watering his precious flowers, his saphhire eyes questioning softly. "It isn't a flower, so how would I know?" With a sigh Xigbar left.

* * *

"Hey Xaldin, what does--"

"No."

"But--"

"_**No**_."

* * *

Xigbar slammed his head against the library desk. Repeatedly. The little minx had everyone on his side! From what he gathered, it was something...to not loathe? Shit he hadn't learned anything! Besides the fact that the Diviner was not as hospitable as he should have been. And inticing Vexen with sexual favours only angered a certain botonist.

Lexeaus said he knew nothing about the plan in store, but Luxord-- By gods Luxord would never turn his back and a fellow gambler!

* * *

"Luxord! What does Sex- Holy_ shit_!" Xigbar stopped dead, his hand coming to cover his poor eye from the sight of his blonde fellow in a speedo. Of course, the blonde was unaware of the harm as he strode forward, a browed raised. "What does sex? Are you drunk again?" Xigbar froze, before yanking his arms about wildly.

"I'm not the fruit in a fuckin' speedo! I just wanted to know what Sexig meant! Good deity why?! What did I do to deserve _this_!" Luxord, after a trained glare, pulled his cloak on, a hand running across his head before smacking Xigbar silly. "Twit! I was gonna go swimming with Zexion! As for you question, it means sexy."

Sexy.

A pink hue crossed over the sniper's cheekbones as he was left behind, his eye lifted upward in a daze. Was he really? Aw, sweet little Demyx. In a complete haze the sniper wandered through the halls of Never Was, his feet leading him to the Melodious Nocturne's room. No one had ever called him sexy. Scary, yes, but never sexy.

"Did you figure it out, Sexig-Baa-" Lips pressed eagerly to his own made Demyx hush, a smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around the joyous sniper's shoulders.

"Where the Hell did you come up with that?" The blonde laughed as he led Xigbar to the often messy bed, both crashing down in a tangle of limbs. Demyx let his fingers run soothing through the older's hair, his pink lips trailing 'loving' kisses about the man's jaw.

"Zexion has a cool book on different languages, so I thought I'd pick something." Xigbar chuckled, the sound deep in his throat as he propped himself up on an elbow, his now free tresses hanging down to brush softly against the boy's cheeks.

"What do I get for figuring it out?" Demyx made a face before smirking, his bared hands rushing up to grope tenderly to the older's sharp features.

"Well, technically, Luxord told you, so he gets the surprise."

Xigbar's jaw dropped.

* * *

_**/Fin/**_

* * *

The surprise, for those of you dying to know, was a gross fish Demyx had found while swimming one day. XD Nothin' sexy. Or, Sexig. Bwahahaha!

I-I hope you all enjoyed this mindless oneshot meant to make one chuckle with amusement. No deep thinking required, friends.


End file.
